EP418: You’re Perfectly Flawesome with Kristina Mand-Lahkiani
If you've ever been hard on yourself, I have a special invitation just for you. In the latest episode of the Thrive by Design podcast, I had an inspiring conversation with Kristina Mand-Lahkiani, author of the empowering book, Becoming Flawesome. Kristina is also the co-founder of Mindvalley, the renowned personal development platform. Together, we explored the path to self-love and how it can transform your life.
How we learn to be self-critical
From a very young age, we are told that to succeed, we have to work on our weaknesses and mistakes. Kristina shared an example of what she calls the red marker technique, which goes like this…
You write an essay, and your teacher takes a red marker and points out all of your mistakes, gives it back to you, and says, ‘Work on your mistakes, then you'll be a success.’
This is a common paradigm in society, that reinforces our pattern of always looking for what’s wrong and then trying to fix it. But there’s another, less popular paradigm called the green marker technique.
In this scenario, the teacher takes your essay and highlights everything you did really well, gives it back to you, and says, ‘Work on your strengths, and that's how you will succeed.’ Our society typically doesn’t work this way, but imagine if it did.
We live in the paradigm of a red marker technique
The scenarios we are exposed to teach us that to succeed, we have to identify and work on our weaknesses. Inevitably, this leads to self-criticism.
In Episode 418 Kristina delves into our beliefs such as…
- We have to sacrifice everything for the ultimate success
- To succeed, it has to come with blood, sweat, tears, and sacrifices
- Our growth stems from a fear of punishment
We grow up believing that to succeed, we have to give ourselves tough love.
Rarely are we encouraged or shown the other way to succeed which is through encouragement, not punishment.
Reinforcing Our Beliefs
There is scientific evidence that if you believe in something, you're going to notice the evidence of that belief. The reticular activating system in your brain filters out the stimuli because you can't register everything. So instead you notice what you focus on. And that's how our beliefs get reinforced.
Therefore if you believe that for success, you need to sacrifice something, you will only notice the evidence of that. This brings us back to criticism and the idea that you have to work on your weaknesses and punish yourself, in order to succeed.
Get out of the Habit of Criticizing Yourself
Kristina explains that self-awareness is the fundamental skill for personal growth.
“Awareness allows you to notice things, the way they happen the way they influence life. And then it also gives you the desire to change something and the motivation to keep doing that.”
In addition to learning how to be self-aware, Kristina talks about:
- The impact of our beliefs and how they shape our reality
- The importance of self-awareness and its role in personal growth
- The dark side of personal development
- The key skills for self-love: honesty, kindness, and courage
- The dangers of narcissism and spiritual bypassing
- And so much more!
Self Love is more than self-care
Often we think, ‘I don't have time for my personal well-being because my business is failing or my daughter won’t listen’ or some other external things. But in reality the problem is with your well-being which then translates into your business and your relationships.
Here’s a quick overview of Episode 418:
[6:32] How the book became about self-love
[12:14] The red marker technique
[17:24] The three skills needed for personal development
[20:06] The dark side of personal growth
[28:39] Being in the sphere of a narcissist
[37:17] The best life is a dance, not a destination
If you’re like many artists and jewelry designers and you struggle with self-criticism, today’s episode is a must-listen. I guarantee you'll find it relatable and inspiring.
Embrace your flawesome self and dive into the powerful conversation about self-love. Trust me, you're going to love it!